


Coming Home

by Beryll (Rynthjan)



Series: Sir Yaden [12]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Aliens, M/M, Sadness, Sexual Content, p2, phoenix empire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-10 18:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rynthjan/pseuds/Beryll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A routine investigation of a newly discovered star system ends in disaster with Yaden and Ivan stranded in another galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The system hadn't changed much. After everything that had happened and the not so minor fact that a whole planet had been ripped from it, Yaden found it deeply disconcerting that none of this seemed reflected here, where it had all started.

Then again, they should probably count themselves lucky that the jumpgate was still there and nothing blocked it to end their improbable return in a sudden, flamboyant death.

Of course a year was a long time for things to settle.

A year that seemed like a lifetime. More than a year, even. It weighed on Yaden, trying to drag him under with memories.

It was so clear in his mind, still. How they had arrived in this system on a routine reconnaissance mission. Sent to investigate a jumproute that might either be rediscovered or entirely new, now that scientists were finally beginning to understand how to actually operate the jumpgates. Just go in, check if there was anything dangerous and come back. Harmless.

But Phoenix Knight missions were never harmless. This one had certainly lived up to this rule.

A planet long abandoned by whatever race had lived there. Crystal towers crumbling, no signs of life on scanners. A tiny, mysterious energy signature which lured them closer to the planet.

Then suddenly the junk drifting in high orbit had become active, energy wildly flowing, drawing from the sun, concentrating in a maelstrom of activity around the planet, drawing the tiny little Pebble in. A flash of brightness.

And they were gone.

Gone to somewhere too far away to comprehend. Another galaxy, they had become pretty sure over the long months that they had fought for a safe return home, for friends that they had made, against strangeness and terrible enemies, against impossible odds.

"I can't believe we've made it." Ivan said softly from his place at the com-console. He looked over at Yaden with a small smile, as confused as Yaden felt himself.

It had been their mantra. The thing they told each other whenever one of them faltered. That they would make it home.

Now that they were here, it felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under them. The goal achieved and now what?

A shiver ran through Yaden and he pushed his fingers through his hair, trying to calm his mind. Colin. His longing for his lover, his husband, threatened to swallow him, now that he was finally within reach, but at the same time he felt panic rise in his throat. What if Colin had given up on them? What if he had found someone else to comfort him? Yaden screwed his eyes shut, fighting to banish these thoughts. He would know soon enough.

"Are you alright?" Ivan asked, sensing his distress. He got up and came over, his firm hand warm on Yaden's shoulder. Yaden leaned his head against his friend's arm just for a moment, drawing strength from this closeness. 

It was the most natural thing in the world now. Touching, knowing what the other needed without speaking out loud. He loved Colin so much it made his heart bleed. He could only hope that his lover would understand what had grown between Yaden and Ivan.

-

It wasn't really silent. 

There was the sound of his and Ivan's even breathing and the soft hum of the Pebble underneath them.

But none of that seemed to matter faced with the vast silence of open space around them. Endless nothing with tiny little dots of light and matter. 

When Yaden cast out his senses he could feel planets, asteroids, even the sun at the centre of the system, a myriad of tiny particles that where earth enough that his mind could touch them. They anchored him. He wasn't afraid. On the contrary - the incredible beauty of it all made him dizzy.

Lying on your back and looking up at the stars sure gained a whole new level of awesome when you lay on top of your own space ship, the only barrier between yourself and infinity the thin bubble of air you carefully maintained.

It was a marvellous thing. A new application of his talents that still made Yaden giddy with joy.

They had ended up out here after an extended combat training session in space, where Ivan used his powers to attack and move and Yaden maintained his air bubble around him, used his powers to deflect imaginary attacks on Ivan and moved Ivan by pulling on small stones they had sewn into the seams of his pants and shirt. It had been somewhat chaotic fun, but they were quite satisfied with the results. Being able to fight in space without any technical aids was a priceless advantage. And right now, they needed every advantage they could possibly get.

"Yaden?" Ivan's voice held a strange note. 

Shy and uncertain, it was something Yaden wasn't sure he had ever heard from his cocky friend. Yaden turned on his side, propping his head on his elbow and looked at Ivan. "Yes?"

Ivan was lying on his back, still gazing up at the stars. A deep frown was etched into his brow. He breathed deeply and closed his eyes. "Would you kiss me?" He asked, his voice so heavy it sounded like it needed all his will to shove out the words.

Yaden blinked at him in surprise. That was certainly not a request he had anticipated. He was still trying to form a reply, when Ivan opened his eyes and looked over at him, his golden eyes glowing fiery with a mix of anger, annoyance and something Yaden couldn't quite name.

"I know this sounds fucking cheesy, but we are the only two humans in his galaxy and there is a good chance we will die before we ever make it home." He growled. "I don't want to die without ever having enjoyed a kiss."

His emphasis was on enjoyed, which gave Yaden a good clue what he was referring too. As a Dracon pet, Ivan had endured plenty of kisses by his masters, but obviously never enjoyed one. The thought that even before that, there had been no one for his friend saddened him. What he wanted to do was comfort Ivan somehow, but his friend was having none of that.

"Don't pity me!" Ivan snarled. He reached over, grabbing Yaden by the back of his neck and pulled him close until their noses were only an inch apart. His eyes softened then. "Please." He whispered.

Yaden didn't allow himself time to think about it, he just closed the distance between them and kissed Ivan. At first his friend tensed, but then he slowly relaxed, his mouth opening to Yaden. There was something intoxicating about their kiss, something entirely different from what Yaden had with Colin. He loved Ivan as a friend, they had fought and laughed and suffered together, bonded as closely as brothers. There was passion and hunger in Ivan and they both gasped when they separated.

Ivan grunted something unintelligible and then licked his lips. "Uh. That was…" he muttered. "I didn't expect it would feel like that." His eyes still glittered with suppressed fire.

"Good or bad?" Yaden asked, not quite sure what to make of his friend's reaction.

The slow smirk spreading on Ivan's lips answered his question quite thoroughly. "Good. Definitely good."

Then Yaden was pulled back down for another kiss. This one was as scorching as one would expect from a pyrokinetic who had never expressed his sexual tension in any way. It left Yaden helplessly yielding when Ivan plundered his mouth and made his body sing with heat. Only when Ivan arched up against him, rubbed against him in what Yaden was pretty sure was not an invitation Ivan had properly thought through, did he manage to pull back.

Ivan was panting, his eyes wild now, his hands still clawing at Yaden back, wanting him.

"Are you sure, you…?" Yaden started to ask, but was interrupted.

"Yes." Ivan growled with a feral grin. "I've spent enough time thinking about it. There is no one I trust as much as you. I need to end this… this fear… weakness. I want you."

Thoughts of Colin tumbled through Yaden's mind. As stupid as it might sound to any other Dracon, he was faithful to his husband. He loved Colin more than he could comprehend. A kiss was one thing, but this was a wholly different matter. On the other hand, he clearly saw Ivan's need and he couldn't imagine his beloved begrudging Ivan this. And there was his own need for touch, closeness. Ivan was terribly right - they were the only two human beings in this galaxy, and he didn't want to die lonely either.

"Yaden, please." Ivan whispered, his breath hot against Yaden's skin.

"Yes." He answered. "Whatever you need."

The stars watched, but their silence was filled with gasps and moans and cries of pleasure as bodies moved against each other. At first, there was urgency and heated passion, but with time it mellowed into lazy enjoyment.

Things changed after that.

A touch here, a quick kiss there. 

It wasn't love in that all consuming, romantic sense, but a love between friends, a casual closeness they both needed to keep their hopes alive.

They didn't discuss it when Ivan quietly moved into Yaden's cabin some nights, just relished the luxury of sleeping with a familiar body pressed close.

Through everything, they were each others comfort.

-

"Do you think Ciel can hear us from here?" Ivan asked, bringing Yaden back to the present.

In the beginning they had tried plenty of times to reach P2's prime by thinking of him as loudly as possible. But the more they had realized how far away they really were, the more they had understood that even a talent as vast as Ciel's would not reach them.

"He could if he knew we were here." Yaden said. "But I doubt they are still looking for us after all this time."

Ivan nodded. "Make the jumps to P2 then?" he suggested and returned to the com-station.

"Yeah."

While Ivan keyed the jumpgate, Yaden leaned down to the basket that sat safely between his feet on the floor. Vian and Siva were curled around each other, faces buried in each other's tails. They were sleeping peacefully, secure in the knowledge that their father was watching over them, only a breath away.

"We'll be home soon." Yaden softly told his babies. "You will meet your sister. And your other dad."

All would be well, Yaden told himself. He simply had to believe that Colin would love his strange half-alien children as much as he had welcomed and loved Myriam.

"Ready." Ivan announced as the jumpgate activated.

Yaden gently guided Pebble into the opened portal. After all this time, it felt weird to use jumpgates again. Two more jumps brought them to the system of P2 and suddenly the bridge came alive with sound as the scanners picked up on the multitude of chatter on various com-channels.

P2 was one of the few systems with a space station located right next to the gate. It was a military installation, guarding one of humanity's most important systems from sudden attacks, but it doubled as a way station for travellers. Many ships hung around the station, waiting for their turn at the gate. 

There was so much human life and movement that Yaden and Ivan both felt overwhelmed with it. For over a year, the only human faces they had seen were each other's. Yaden quickly moved Pebble out of the way.

It reminded Yaden of the moment they had first arrived right after the solar transport. They had immediately broken away from the planet which had sucked them with it and activated all available shields and scanners to figure out what had happened.

The system they arrived in was just as lively as P2's and the sudden appearance of an additional planet of course didn't go unnoticed. Ships swarmed out to investigate. Luckily, they weren't able to penetrate Pebble's cloaking shield. They picked up the com-channels and - more importantly - commercial entertainment and news transmissions from the two inhabited planets of the system. The weird blue aliens spoke no language they had ever heard and didn't look like anything they had ever seen. Only they obviously weren't the aliens here - that's what Yaden and Ivan had suddenly become.

It took the board computer a while to make sense of the language, but eventually it did and they started to understand.

While they still tried to figure out what to do next, other ships had started to appear in the system, teleported in from elsewhere. These were of a different build, bristling with weapons and armour and the blue locals treated them with great deference. The planet was cordoned off and soon after, all news coverage about the planet ceased. The only image Yaden and Ivan got of the newcomers was of a heavily armoured, tall humanoid.

For more than three weeks, they stayed and gathered intelligence. There was much to learn. That this system belonged to a huge empire, spanning over a thousand systems and binding together a multitude of different species. That they there were all ruled by a mysterious and powerful race which no one ever saw without their armour - the Calarni. That this race kept their control through military superiority and the fact that they held the only way to travel between the stars - teleportation. That they were also the only ones to possess psychic powers. That no one here had ever heard of any creature called 'human'. That there were no jumpgates.

That last fact made clear how very, very far away from home they truly were.

Then the tone in the news transmissions on the planets of the blue aliens changed. Curfews were implemented by the Calarni, there were arrests, anyone who had seen or heard anything about the planet Yaden and Ivan had arrived with was rounded up and made to disappear. More ships of the Calarni appeared.

Yaden and Ivan took that as their cue to get out while they still could.

Travel by teleport didn't happen like in the Phoenix Empire, where the psion would carefully get a hold of every single ship he was going to port. Instead, ships clustered in a section of space and then the whole section was simply transplanted elsewhere. It was risky, but they just sneaked the cloaked Pebble in on such a spot and let themselves be whisked away.

It worked not only once, but a few more times until they arrived in another system where they found a space station that seemed sufficiently lawless for them to risk docking. They needed to stock up on provisions, and it was clear to them that they wouldn't find a way home all on their own. The Calarni didn't look like they would be inclined to help so they decided to look for assistance elsewhere. Surely an oppressive ruling class such as this would breed discontent and have a matching resistance force somewhere.

They just had to find them.


	2. Chapter 2

The P2 jumpgates activated and a whole fleet of cargo ships slowly made their way through, one after the other, apparently all headed in the same direction. The well ordered traffic around the gate said 'business as usual'.

It felt entirely weird to Yaden. It shouldn't surprise him that no one here recognized the Pebble, hanging motionless near the space station. After all, they had been gone a long time. Even if they knew the ship, they simply wouldn't expect it to just appear again. It made him wonder what the official line from the Phoenix Tower about their disappearance was. Whether they were 'on some long term mission' or if maybe they had been declared missing in action or even dead.

"It's so weird to hear everyone speak Imperial again." Ivan said softly.

They still were listening in on the many open com-channels being used to organize traffic at the gate.

It took Yaden a moment to realize that Ivan had spoken Imperial as well. For the first time since they had painstakingly taught themselves the strange, clipped alien language spoken in that galaxy they had found themselves stranded in.

"Yes." Yaden agreed, speaking Imperial as well now, testing the word on his tongue like a half-forgotten, longed for delicacy.

Here in the P2 system, they were close enough that he would just have to think about Ciel loudly and the Prime of P2 would surely pick up on it, after all this was his home turf. Still Yaden hesitated. Now that they were so close, a million things that could have happened while he was gone crowded his mind. Terrible things.

"If you don't contact him, I will." Ivan said with a small smile, knowing exactly what was going through Yaden's head.

Yaden glared at him for a moment, but then he had to smile as well. Of course, Ivan was right; there was no point in delaying any longer.

He had barely made the decision and started focusing his attention when he already felt the familiar touch of Ciel's vast, warm mind. It was filled with wonder and joy at finding him so unexpectedly, but it was also slightly muffled.

\--Yaden?! Oh my god! It really is you! You are here!-- Then there was a pause and Yaden felt Ciel project puzzlement and slight worry. --You feel… different… are you… what is…?-- In his excitement, the Prime's thoughts and feelings weren't as controlled and clear as normally.

He had changed, yes, and that was also the reason why Ciel's mental voice felt more distant and muffled, Yaden realized. His thoughts and feeling must have been like an open book to Ciel until now. Until he had been forced to learn how to guard and shield his mind from any unwanted intrusion. He was good at it now. Nothing but surface thoughts and emotions visible to any telepath or empath scanning them. Not unless he let them in. Yaden had no doubt that a telepath as skilled as Ciel would be able to force his way in, but he also new the other psion would never do that.

\--Yes, it's me.-- He thought back. --We are… we've found our way back.-- He gently lowered some of his mental shields to allow Ciel to read him better. He wanted to ask about Colin, but he just couldn't properly phrase a question in his mind. Some of his anxiety seemed to leek through though, or maybe just the fact that he was thinking of Colin. Or maybe Colin had missed him even more than he had hoped and was that prominent in Ciel's mind.

\--I have to tell Colin.-- The Prime's thoughts were still full of happy excitement.

\--How is he?-- Yaden finally managed to frame the question he needed to ask.

\--Incredibly pissed off?-- Ciel answered him with a relieved laugh. --Well, he was. Right now he is ecstatic.-- Apparently Ciel had no trouble having two telepathic conversations at once. --He kept saying that you were alive, that he would just know if you died. And that as long as you lived you would find a way back to him. Seems that goddess of his told him so. Seems he was right. He is… He says he wants you home right this instant. Can I port the Pebble to the island?--

Yaden quickly shut off Pebble's engine completely and firmly gripped her in his mind. It would be a lot easier to land her like that.

"Port incoming." He warned Ivan and then sent his permission to Ciel.

Moments later, the vast emptiness of space was replaced with the much more intimate confines of atmosphere and the familiar slow pulse of P2's existence around them. Slightly startled, Yaden realized that Ciel had safely deposited Pebble right on her landing pad on his island with no need for any landing manoeuvres.

\--It's good to have you back, Yaden.-- Ciel's mind touched his again with the equivalent of a warm embrace. Apparently he had been missed by P2's Prime as well.

He answered with a warm smile, but most of his attention was already focusing outside. This was his island, he had mapped and shaped it with his mind in so many ways that it just seeped back into his awareness. He could not see outside, but the beat of feet quickly making their way up the path to the landing pad was prominent. Ciel broke the contact, politely withdrawing.

Taking a deep breath Yaden got up. Colin had missed him, he told himself firmly. Colin would forgive him. Colin would love him.

"I'll take the little ones." Ivan offered gently and picked up the basket with the sleeping twins.

They didn't wake up yet, familiar with Ivan taking care of them, but Yaden was sure they would react to unknown voices soon enough. There was so much that he should tell Colin and he had no idea how.

By the time they reached the outer hatch of Pebble, the footsteps had reached the landing pad and stopped close to the other side of the hatch. This time, Yaden didn't allow himself to hesitate. He pulled the hatch open and looked outside, deeply breathing in the warm air, relishing the scent of salt water and plants, the scent of home.

They were all there, waiting for them, but Yaden only had eyes for Colin. Stupidly his first thought was that he liked the longer hair on his husband, pulled back into a casual ponytail, that Colin looked impossibly good, tanned, slender but with subdued strength. It made Yaden's mouth go dry and his heartbeat quicken. His need to feel Colin against him was a physical pain and it was mirrored in his lover's eyes, in the way Colin's mouth opened in a soundless gasp, how he moved forward like drawn on a string.

Yaden could not have said how he moved from Pebble's hatch into Colin's arms on the landing pad. He just clung to his husband, his lover, the solid centre of his universe like a drowning man. Colin was making helpless, reassuring sounds and it took Yaden a while to realize why. That he was crying with exhaustion and happiness and finally conquered loneliness. If he had to pick one place to spend the rest of his life in - this would be it.

It didn't last of course.

A tiny, soft snarl from behind Yaden caught Colin's attention and his eyes went wide. Turning in his lover's embrace Yaden saw Ivan standing there with the basket in his arms. Vian was awake and had drawn himself up, his small hands gripping the edge of the basket, his much too big, fox-like ears perked up, his wide green eyes alert and his mouth showing off tiny sharp teeth.

"What is… that?" Colin asked, his voice filled with so many emotions it slammed into Yaden like a sledgehammer.

Still he forced out the answer. "This is Vian." He said softly. "And his sister Siva. They are mine."

"Yours?" Now Colin's gaze returned to Yaden, his eyes wide with wonder and fear and a million other feelings. "Where is their mother?"

-

He woke with a feeling of warm contentedness. Amidst all the fighting, the fear, the horrors of a rebellion turning into war and spinning out of control, he had found a measure of peace, something worth fighting for. Love.

Weeks, they had fought side by side, slowly falling for each other and at the same time desperately hanging on to their distance. It had taken Ivan sitting them down and telling them in no uncertain words that they were utter fools for denying themselves this love when Yaden might never find a way home, when they both might die in battle all too soon.

They stopped resisting then; consumed each other despite the boundaries of race, despite the fact that Yaden would never stop loving his husband, despite the fact that their love faced too many threats. It gave hope and courage to them and to their friends.

Then she became withdrawn again, shunning his touch, spending hours meditating, cutting him off. It took him several days to get her to talk, to tell him. His reaction wasn't what she expected. The knowledge that she was carrying his child made him cry with happiness, made him hug her and whisper a million sweet promises against her soft fur.

They fell asleep in each other arms once more, his hand resting on her belly.

He turned over in bed, to smile at her, kiss her, love her - and found her gone.

He didn't know how, but he immediately knew she was gone for good. He tried to tell himself that she had just gotten up before him, even though the tearing pain in his heart said it wasn't so. He walked through Pebble slowly, each step harder than the last. And didn't find her.

He did find Ivan, just coming back from the station where they were docked. They looked together, asked questions, found that she had left the ship with a bag of her belongings in the short time window when Ivan was gone and Yaden was still asleep. More questions revealed that she had already taken a port elsewhere.

It made no sense to either of them, made no sense to their friends in the rebellion either. No one had any idea where she could have gone with no home to return to, no family, no friends outside the rebellion. It plunged Yaden into despair for exactly a day. Then he emerged with a burning need to know.

They cast their nets wider, looking for every scrap of information they could find. She had been the first person they made contact with after their arrival, the first friendly face. They went back to that first space station where they met her. She had been the only surviving member of a resistance cell on the station, all the others arrested and killed by the secret police of the Calarni. Or so she had made them believe. Now they had the help of a skilled telepath, relentlessly scanning for the truth.

It was uglier than any of them would have thought possible.

They knew she was a shapeshifter, she had used her talents plenty in service to the rebellion. What they didn't know was her true shape. She was one of them. A member of just that secret police, who had used all the intel that had been extracted from captured rebels to pose as one of them. A spy, an agent, a traitor in their midst. She knew everything now.

They hurried back to the planet, hiddend inside the cloud of psionicly charged crystal dust which kept it hidden from the Calarni, where the rebellion had their sanctuary. They knew an attack would be imminent.

Yaden welcomed it, relished the thought of fighting and killing them.

She had betrayed him in every possible way.

Either his child was dead already, killed by a mother who couldn't possibly love it. Or she had deliberately mated with him to steal his DNA, to create a child that would share his vast talents. Both options made a red haze of rage rise inside of him.

-

"She is dead." Ivan answered Colin's question calmly while Yaden still fought against the tide of memories threatening to drown him.

"Oh."

It was just a small sound but it held all the understanding and unconditional love that Yaden so desperately longed for. Then Colin's arms wrapped around him again and the past didn't matter because the present was Colin.

It seemed to Yaden he rested in his lover's embrace for a small eternity, but it could only have been a few moments when another voice spoke up.

"Yaden… dad…?" Myriam's voice was filled with hope and disbelief in equal measures.

She stood behind Colin, looking up at them with tears in her eyes. She had lost her mother and her father. Yaden didn't even want to imagine what she must have felt, thinking she had lost him as well. Immediately he reached out and pulled her into their hug as well.

"I'm here, love." He told her softly. "I'm home."

She pressed against him as if she needed to feel his solid body to convince herself that he was real.

Then Darren's arms came around all of them and he pulled in Ivan as well.

His family. Home.


	3. Chapter 3

Yaden's fingers idly caressed the soft fur of his children. They lay on his belly, curled around each other so tightly that he couldn't be sure where Vian ended and Siva began; a single pile of white, caramel and auburn fluff. Both were sleeping, happy in the knowledge that their father's body was the safest resting place in the universe. Colin's presence didn't bother them at all. Yaden hadn't dared to hope this, but Colin had accepted the half-alien twins as his own without even a blink. Maybe it was because his Youh'Kai goddess was the patron of hearth fire and family. Maybe it was just that Colin's capacity for loving those in need was as endless as Yaden wanted to believe.

He knew that Colin was watching him silently, waiting for him to continue.

The hammock behind the cottages had been freshly installed when Yaden and Ivan left for their routine mission. Yaden had put it there to serve as a place for him to withdraw to for some peace and quiet. Now, more than a year later, it looked like it had become a permanent fixture that hadn't seen much use. The grass below it had grown high, the path through the trees overgrown.

Still it was the place Yaden had chosen to curl up with Colin to tell him everything.

He had told him how he and Ivan had hooked up with the rebels fighting against the oppressive rule of the Calarni. How they had helped to slowly unravel the secret of that race.

Defeating them seemed impossible. They were the supreme users of psi in their galaxy. They ruthlessly eradicated whole races who showed traces off talent. Technically more advanced than any other race, they ruled with an iron fist, mysterious and unassailable in their armour which deflected physical attacks as easily as psionic ones. No one had ever managed to take one alive and when they were killed, they always self-destructed, leaving nothing but a smouldering crater behind.

But they weren't all-seeing, all-knowing. A resistance against them had formed, headed by members of all sorts of races, most notably by psionic talents who had escaped their wrath.

Working together with them, Yaden and Ivan managed to corner a member of the Calarni after several unsuccessful attempts. Once more Ivan was left severely mana-burned, but by sheer stubbornness he managed to absorb the whole force of the concentrated blast that was supposed to destroy the armour and the body.

The ruling Calarni out to be not so incredibly exotic after all. Their armour, however, was a puzzle which took Yaden a great many hours of patient work to unravel. He had to learn to use his psi in entirely new and strange ways, to carefully separate into pieces things which he before had perceived as a whole. Trying to explain it proved even harder than doing it. The only way he could describe it was that he wasn't gripping it with his mind, but gently touching it from the side.

The result was extremely satisfying when he faced the Calarni again and their invincible armour became a trap they couldn't escape, controlled by Yaden. He immediately set about teaching their rebel friends how to do it.

They were still an overwhelmingly strong opponent, though. But there was no other option than fighting, now that the rebellion had attracted attention to itself.

The turning point was the battle for the sanctuary.

It was the first true confrontation between the rebellion and the Calarni. The first time the rebellion had no place to flee to, the first time they fought with everything they had. The first time they won.

Yaden didn't remember much of that fight. He was to deeply wounded by betrayal to care or think straight. With Pebble and Ivan, he was in the middle of the fray, fighting with a brutal rage that eradicated anything in their path. He knew that he had killed without a thought spared for mercy.

Once more it was Ivan who pulled him back from the brink, who reminded him that her betrayal meant nothing, that Colin was the one he loved and who loved him, that it was his god-damned duty to stay alive and find a way home.

After that unexpected victory, the rebellion suddenly gained a lot of allies who had up until then considered the cause doomed. Surprisingly, this included a faction inside the Calarni itself, who proved to be just as oppressed by their leaders as the other races.

From them, a great deal was learned. The Calarni wasn't native to this galaxy. Eons ago, they had fled the galaxy Yaden and Ivan came from, using solar teleporters like the one they had accidently activated. Technologically vastly advanced, they had used their advantage to subjugate the native races.

More important to Yaden and Ivan was the fact that originally there had been jumpgates in this galaxy as well, but the Calarni had gathered them up in an incredibly effort and hidden them away in one well guarded system. It was the first glimpse of hope that they might find a way home. However, access to that system and the time necessary to find a jumpgate that might take them home could only be obtained by winning the war that was quickly engulfing everything.

Yaden fought where he was needed most. It became a habit, something to lose himself in to forget while he waited for their new allies to uncover where she was, where she had taken his unborn child. He learned to hate. He learned that there was a darker, dangerous part of him which enjoyed killing and destruction. The pain in his heart and soul ate at him and all through it only the treasured memory of Colin kept him sane. A memory kept alive by Ivan's constant reminders.

Colin had patiently listened, hadn't judged but gently ran his fingers over Yaden's, reassuring him that he understood, that he forgave, that he would always be there for Yaden to cling to.

"Tell me how she died." Colin gently encouraged as the silence lengthened.

Yaden drew a shuddering breath. "She died fighting." He answered softly and closed his eyes, reliving that memory.

"They didn't find her. In the end, I found her. Or she let me find her. Our spies learned that the secret police of the Calarni had decided to take no risks with the jumpgates. As long as no one had access to them, they still had a chance to regain control by killing all teleporter psions of the rebellion. So they decided to destroy them by annihilating the system they had hidden them in. We had to prevent that. It was a desperate bid, but we had no choice. We would have failed. She was there. She sabotaged the star-killer they were planning to use on the system's sun. She betrayed them, betrayed everything she had lived for."

Yaden turned his head and laid his brow against Colin's who was lying next to him in the hammock.

"When I found her, she was dying. She fought them even though she knew she couldn't win. She bought us enough time. There was nothing that could have saved her. She told me she was sorry. And she told me that our children were safe. Then she died."

The impossible rage and grief threatened to swallow him up once more. He remembered everything he had done after that. How he had slaughtered everyone on that station, how he had ignored all pleas for mercy and all surrenders. It hadn't been a haze of violence. No, it had been a cold hatred that left him remembering all of it, every cry, every face.

They had looked at him differently afterwards. Their friends in the rebellion, their allies among the Calarni. Fearful. Only Ivan had hugged him, gotten him drunk and put him to bed.

When he demanded they find his missing children and give them to him, no one had argued.

Days later, the ice in his heart started melting as he looked at the twins. Half human and half the shape their mother had chosen to charm him. They hissed and snarled at the people who brought them, but they snuggled against Yaden instantly. They knew him and he knew them.

"They found Vian and Siva for me."

Both Yaden and Colin smiled down at the sleeping twins.

"The jumpgates in our hands and the secret police mostly wiped out pretty much ended the war." Yaden continued, pulling his thoughts away from the darkness that would forever lurk in his mind. "It took them only a little over a month to figure out how to send us home. The secret police had been studying the jumpgates for thousands of years, their data helped a lot."

And it would be quite valuable to the Empire as well. Ivan had downloaded a good chunk of the raw data from the station that had guarded the system with the hidden jumpgates before any of their allies got there. Yaden had argued that there was no need to steal it, that surely they would share all that knowledge after everything they had done to help the rebellion. But when they had politely asked for it later, there had been a lot of excuses and finally they had been given just a fraction of the actual research to shut them up. Clearly the newly emerging government didn't want another Empire in possession of such knowledge.

Having a criminally inclined squire definitely had advantages.

At least, they were bringing back something useful from their long absence. Tomorrow Yaden and Ivan were scheduled to meet with General Hamilton and the Emperor. They would receive a similar report to the one Colin had just heard. Only theirs would be a lot less personal.

"Do you still hate her?" Colin's voice reeled his wandering thoughts back in, Colin's hand caressing his cheek.

Of course he wouldn't let Yaden get away with such a brief explanation when clearly he was still in so much pain.

"I don't know." Yaden answered truthfully. "She betrayed me. I will never know why in the end she turned against her people. I want to believe that she cared for our children. But she could have had any number of reasons. I want to hate her."

He looked at Colin, searching his husband's face for advice.

"Hating does not suit you, love." Colin said gently. "I'm sure she had a very good reason to leave like she did. Did she know you were planning to come home to me?"

Yaden nodded. "We talked about that. When we first got together. And again when I learned she was pregnant. I asked her to come with me. She agreed. But obviously she was lying."

"Well, I can see how she wouldn't relish the thought of going to a distant galaxy where she knows no one and is an alien, to go live with the husband of her lover." Colin noted calmly.

The way he phrased it, it did sound horrible, Yaden had to admit. "But we could have worked something out." He argued. "I loved her. I really did."

"I don't doubt that." Colin picked up Yaden's hand and kissed his fingertips. "I'm just telling you that suddenly finding herself pregnant from an alien that belongs to what she would consider to be a lower species might make a girl a little flustered."

Yaden sighed and closed his eyes.

"What I am asking of you is to bury your hatred." Colin explained. "Love her for the fact that she gave you these beautiful children. Love her for the happiness she gave you. Forget about the rest."

"Why would you want to protect her?" Yaden asked. "Are you not angry at all? That I fell in love with her in the first place?"

Colin laughed softly. "I'm protecting you, love. All this coiled up anger and hatred hurts you. And no, I am not angry, because she has given me these beautiful children, too. And I do believe that you have enough love in your heart not just for me but for her. And for Ivan, too."

Yaden winced. So that hadn't escaped his lover's attention either.

"Don't give me that." Colin admonished and pinched the hand he still held. "I am happy that you found comfort in each other, you and Ivan. He is what the Youh'Kai call nar'sada, your shield mate. It's fine." He leaned back and gazed up at the huge palm leaves above, shading them. "Honestly, I wouldn't mind a female in our relationship, if the right one ever comes along. I want more kids." He admitted, sounding a bit rueful. "But I also think we would have to find one we can both love. It is not a decision to be made lightly."

"Right." Yaden felt more than a little overwhelmed with that sudden idea and with the utter calm Colin talked about it.

Colin chuckled. "Never mind, love. Nothing we need to decide or even discuss now. I just thought you should know how I feel about you and your squire, you and women, me and women." His smile turned positively insolent. "After all you are Dracon, no matter how much you try not to be. And I am now, too. Having a whole stable of various relationships is kind of expected."

Yaden groaned, but at the same time he felt a mirroring smile on his own lips. He had a feeling that he would smile a whole lot more again, now that he was back where he belonged.

"I love you." He told Colin. "I love you more than I can ever explain or show to you. I will never love anyone more than you."

"Good. Then everything is as it should be."


End file.
